MKOZAQ Engineer's Log

State of mind - June 2022

In the last few weeks, I've changed my perspective on life so much.

In my mind, I lived either in the past or in the future. In the past with my life's mistakes, and in the future with my life's dreams. Rarely in the present moment.

Now I'm reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I try, all the time, to snap out of past and future thoughts and be present. It's so damn hard to do it. It requires a considerable effort to let the mind be free, but at the same time to be aware of the present moment and just to be an observer of your thoughts.

For the first time in my life, I considered the possibility of going to a psychologist. I'm so damn scared and ashamed to share my thoughts about it. But I'm determined to be a better person. Whatever it means.

The state of my relationship is even worse. I fucked up really bad.